Hamtaro the Ax Murderer
by sapphire999
Summary: Mwahahahahahahahaha! Cute little hamsters with sharp objects. it's funny, not really scary, but not trully g rated. all you insane people, i did this for you on a sugar high.
1. Who Wants Some!

Hamtaro the Ax Murderer  
  
Hey everybody! This is my little funny attribute to people who've gone insane! I love you guys. Oh and bye the way, I hope you find this funny. If not then tell me and stop reading. But just to warn you I don't really care. Mwahahahahahahahahaha! Anyway. just to let you know, this story is exactly what it sounds like. Cute little hamsters with sharp objects. Sounds fun huh? Good. Well, enough of my craziness. Read on for my hamster killing machine craziness. Hahahahahahaha!  
  
Hamtaro ran on his whiz-wheel. It was what he did to think. He and his cute little furry face stared as he ran faster and faster like the idiot everyone thought he was. He was thinking about whom he was really mad at. It was Maxwell. That dirty lying nerd! He thought he could get away with lying about who broke into Sandy's room. Well he'd better think again! Hamtaro was going to get revenge. Maxwell tried to take a picture of Sandy in her sleep. Well, Sandy never saw who did it. When the planted evidence pointed to Hamtaro everyone blamed him! That's when the cute little ball of fluff snapped! He couldn't take it anymore. He found a sharp instrument and shaped it into an ax.  
  
Too many times had he taken the blame for ham-ham screw-ups. He'd had enough. Penned up anger and frustration went to his head. He tripped on a sunflower seed, then busted out his ax and split it in two.  
  
"Who wants some?!" he shouted.  
  
Since Laura was at school, trying to impress Travis, he snuck out of his cage with the ax in hand and a list in his head. When he got to the club house only Maxwell was there. The perfect opportunity had presented itself.  
  
In a cheerful voice  
  
"Hey Maxwell! ^^ What's up?"  
  
"Oh hi Hamtaro. Nothing much here, why do you ask?"  
  
"I always ask that."  
  
"Oh right.."  
  
In a not so cute and cheerful voice  
  
"What ya got there, huh?" Hamtaro asked.  
  
"N-nothing, nothing. ^^*"  
  
"Plan's for sneaking into Sandy's room again huh?"  
  
"L-listen Hamtaro," Max began.  
  
"No Max! You listen! You won't get away with this and have me take the blame again! Set things right and I might forget about this," Hamtaro said while brandishing his new ax.  
  
Maxwell nodded in fear and Hamtaro backed off. When the others arrived Hamtaro looked at Maxwell with a dangerous look. Maxwell told everybody what really happened and apologized. Sandy got mad and left. Bijou, Penelope, and Pashmina left to try and help her. Boss followed with Howdy and Dexter. Snoozer was the only one left in the clubhouse besides Maxwell and Hamtaro.  
  
"Very good, but it wasn't good enough!"  
  
With that, Hamtaro went to slicing and dicing Maxwell. When he was done he cleaned up the place and buried Maxwell in the back of the clubhouse. When that was done he copied Maxwell's handwriting into a suicide note and left it at the clubhouse. He left after that was done and came back a few hours later looking sad, dirty and wet.  
  
The Ham-hams had found the note.  
  
"Hamtaro what happened?" Bijou asked.  
  
"I tried to stop him," he said weakly.  
  
Everyone gasped and cried. Then they went home to mourn. Even Sandy was sad. Hamtaro laughed as he cleaned himself up. And then he crawled in his little house. When Laura got home she ran to her journal and totally ignored Hamtaro. When she got a pen out of her drawer she began to write/ scream, "Travis told me he likes me!"  
  
Well how was that? Too short? Don't worry, more chapters are to follow. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I love this idea, and I'll get more Laura and Travis stuff in if you want, but you have to vote! Use the review screen or my e-mail address (click on my pen name to see) to vote. Thanx for reading! ^^ Sapphire999 


	2. Hamster Lovers Unite!

Chapter 2  
  
Hamster Lovers Unite!  
  
Hey everybody, I'm getting a lot of reviews. So much, that I decided up date sooner than usual! ^^ Thank you all for reviewing! This is the most popular fic I've ever written. It's very exciting. Oh and a special thanks to my very first Hamtaro fic reviewer, dollar-wine. You're proud to be insane, I'm proud to be insane. good times, good times. To northstars, thanks for all your support, you don't know how much I do. Thanks so much for all your positive reviews. To Ice a.k.a. Insaney, I can't tell you how (cuz that'd ruin it), why (because I just don't feel like it), or when (cuz I dunno), but Hamtaro will die and pay for his sins by burning in hell. Oh sorry. I hate when that happens. Heh heh. well to Goddess Holly, thanks for your review, your honesty is appreciated. To Geniemaster I know, and I'm currently receiving help for that. Mello-Skello. quick and to the point, gotta love that. As for lilkitten1's question, you won't know till I do, mwahahahahahaha! Well that's all my reviewers, but like I said, thank you to dollar-wine for being the first! Anywho, I'm sure you don't wanna read this anymore right? Ofcourse not, you want the story! Well, the customer is always right, hold up. that isn't true. And it doesn't apply either. oh well, on with the story.  
  
****  
  
Hamtaro woke up the next day at peace with himself. He'd never realized how getting rid of somebody you don't like could make you feel so good. He wished it were like this all the time. No more Maxwell to be annoyed at. If only that were true for Boss. Suddenly the urge to kill overcame the little ball of fluff again. He picked up his ax once more. He ran to the clubhouse thinking about all the reasons that insisted Boss was to die.  
  
He lied a lot and never really did anything worth respect. He was always getting in the way when Hamtaro tried to win over Bijou, he was really hard headed, he was selfish, and overly concerned with his reputation. He was a selfish pig! Now that he knew he was doing the right thing by ridding the world of this fat oaf, he was ready to kill.  
  
Snoozer was the only one there besides Hamtaro and Boss. Boss was crying over Maxwell again. He was so pathetic to Hamtaro. He'd lost all patience and decided to let him linger for a bit.  
  
"Hey Boss. Are you gonna be okay? I know it's hard, but he wouldn't want you to be like this forever. I mean he'd want you to move on."  
  
"Hi Hamtaro, sniff I didn't notice you there. I'll be okay.I know he would want us to move on." Totally forgetting himself, Boss wailed and cried really hard.  
  
"Don't worry Boss," Hamtaro said with that insane smile," you'll be joining him soon enough!" With that Hamtaro slashed with his ax and watched boss bleed to death. He put a kitchen knife in his hands and left without bothering to clean off his ax, since the blood had long since dried. Hamtaro hid the ax in his little house and started thinking of Laura. She was so happy yesterday. That Travis dude must be pretty special to her. He watched Laura totally flip out when she told Conna over the phone.  
  
Laura came back from downstairs in a hurry. She just finished eating breakfast. She was messing with her hair again, always with the damn hair. She carefully tied the blue ribbons into bows. She then scrambled to her closet and a barrage of clothes flew out after her. Hamtaro had to dodge 5 shirts and a pair of pants. She pulled out a blue shirt that said 'I Love Hamsters' in white letters, a blue beaded skirt, and a sweater with 2 white stripes going down the sleeves. It was picture day. She also really wanted to impress Travis with her 'good' taste (honestly now, who wears 'I Love Hamsters' to school?).  
  
"Bye Hamtaro! I'll see you after school!"  
  
"Bye Laura!" He thought happily. He was tired so the rest of his day was spent sleeping.  
  
But it was different for Laura. Her day was one let down to the next. When she got to school, Conna was in a pink beaded skirt and a black shirt that said the same thing as Laura's except it was in pink letters. Her hair was tucked inside her black sweater. She had the top layer of her hair in a pink bow and her glasses shone in the bright morning light.  
  
"Hi Laura. Nice outfit," Conna said as she smiled at her friend. She was happy she wasn't the only one dressed up, even if it was only Laura who did and nobody else.  
  
"Hi Conna. Same to you," Laura replied, equally relieved about dressing up for picture day. She was also happy that she wasn't the only one who'd bought that shirt.  
  
Then the 13-year-old pimp himself came unto the scene. That's right.  
  
"Hi Travis!" the two said together looking overly cheerful.  
  
"Hey ladies, nice outfits. Going for that whole twin look?" he asked cheerfully.  
  
"Yeah that's it." they trailed off into a sweat bob as they nervously rubbed the back of their necks.  
  
"Cool, see you in class. Oh and Laura, nice ribbons."  
  
At that Laura began to blush furiously. It matched Conna's skirt. They both walked to class together chatting about their hamsters when tragedy struck. They heard a girl crying in the classroom. They knew they'd end up going over to her anyway, so instead of going to their seats they walked over to the crying girl, only to discover she was crying because her hamster ran away. As soon as she looked at Conna and Laura she burst into tears (remember what their shirts said?). Upon seeing her reaction they zipped up their sweaters and tried to comfort the poor girl.  
  
"I can't believe he ran away! He was always so happy in the bookstore! What did I do wrong? Come back Maxwell! Please!" she practically screamed as she bawled her eyes out.  
  
"I'm sure he'll come back," Conna said.  
  
"Yeah, he's probably just exploring the store," Laura said remembering Hamtaro. She'd probably be hysterical if Hamtaro went missing. wait a second, she already has!  
  
"No I searched every place in the book store he could have possibly gotten into! He isn't there!" and with that she started crying again.  
  
Laura and Conna looked at each other and sighed. They put down the book bags they carried. That's when the pimp entered the room and noticed the two worried looking girls and the on who was bawling her eyes out as if she'd just gotten a hand cut off. So Mr. Popular came over to see what was up.  
  
"Hey Mackenzie, what's the matter?" he asked as he came to her desk.  
  
"Oh Travis, it's horrible! My hamster is missing! He ran away or something! What am I going to do?!" she cried. Laura and Conna put their hands on her shoulders and tried to be there for her. Travis put on a sad face even though he was thinking, 'that's it?'  
  
"I'm sorry, it must be really hard to deal with, but if he doesn't come back, you could always just get a new one."  
  
Wrong move Mr. Popular. He's trapped in a room full of hamster lovers; most of them being girls. His fan club was about to get all evil and totally kill him. He noticed many evil glares coming from all over the room.  
  
"Something I said?" he asked stupidly.  
  
"How could you?!" Mackenzie cried and ran from the room sprouting fresh tears. Her long yellow dress floated out behind her with her black braided hair as she ran. Laura glared at Travis who had totally said the wrong thing. She ran after Mackenzie and left the pimp to face his fan club. Conna stayed behind a few seconds to tell Travis he was being totally insensitive. Then she ran after her two friends.  
  
Mr. Popular was forced to leave the room before all the girls (and a few guys) jumped him. They all resembled cats, except for those who shared Travis's opinion, but weren't so stupid as to say it aloud. He ran into the hall and looked in the classroom where a single angry word came from all the hamster fans.  
  
"Apologize" they hissed quietly. He ran away. Escaping to the sweet sanctuary of the hall. His red dragon shirt radiated a brilliant bright shade of red into the hall. His black jeans and red shoes balanced the effect. He scratched his head and looked for the three girls. The image of Laura's look of hate stayed with him for a while, and he slowly came to realize his chances with her had literally taken a dive. He looked harder now and with more vigor as he realized school was about to start. He found them on a bench in the school's foyer. Mackenzie had stopped crying but was breathing hardly trying to stop from erupting into tears again.  
  
"Mackenzie, I'm really sorry for what I said, it was wrong of me to assume that you felt that way about your hamster. I'm sorry for being so insensitive."  
  
She looked up at him with glazed eyes and jumped up to hug him. Laura was obviously hurt by this action because she looked away and began to walk away with Conna. Mackenzie forgave Travis, but his chances with Laura just took another nose-dive. She was walking with her head low and at a fast pace. Conna was just looking at Laura with one of those it'll be okay looks.  
  
Oh dear, this was gonna be a long day. Mr. Yoshi told the class to line up for the picture taking process. Of course, Travis, Conna, and Laura were next to each other in awkward silence.  
  
~*~  
  
Dum, dum, dum! I'm begging to become very evil. This is for all the people who leave me with cliffhangers. Hahahahahaha!!!! Well I know it's really mean. And I know you're probably mad now, but you've got a good six pages of story. Well as much as I love you guys, I have to go to sleep soon. I hope you liked this chapter it was actually fun to write. I don't have school tomorrow so I should get some more writing done then. If anybody has suggestions about who should die next, let me know, but I know how I want the story to play out and eventually every ham-ham and (if I feel like it) human I mention will die. I know I'm sick and twisted, but I don't care. I like this idea, and a lot of you seem to like it too. So for the viewers who want more you shall get more. Well, gotta go! Love ya!  
  
Sapphire ^.^ 


	3. A Picture of Destiny

Hamtaro the Ax Murderer  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Picture of Destiny.  
  
Hey all you lovely little reviewers. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you for all of your support. To no pants: while I admire your enthusiasm, I would like to think of my own endings. Though I must admit I'm probably going to use your ending. To MJN SEIFER: I must thank you for liking my story even though it's your favorite show. I'd love to take your suggestion, so this chapter is just for you 'cause you actually told me how much you wanted Howdy to die. If anybody has any suggestions about who Hamtaro should kill next, let me know and the chapter will be especially dedicated to you. Thanks for your time and enjoy my crazy friends, enjoy.  
  
~  
  
Laura and Conna were next in line for pictures; Travis was just coming out of his session. It was an awkward position: Travis liked Laura, and she liked him, but he had just hurt her pretty good. Poor little pimp. Laura went in first to get her pictures taken. She had an excellent smile in her picture. When she reflected on it later, she didn't know how she pulled it off.  
  
Conna went in next. She had a fantastic smile. Her pictures were great when they came out, when she looked back on this day later though, this would make her cry. She got Laura to forget about Travis and focus on hamsters once again. Always with the damn hamsters!  
  
When school got out Laura found a note in her locker (I can't think of what else to call it). It was from Travis and it was a rather lengthy apology. He had gone home as soon as the bell rang where as she had stayed behind to help Mr. Yoshi with his filing. No confrontation, just a simple note. She sighed and kept on reading until she had memorized every last word. She forgave him of course but he wouldn't know until tomorrow.  
  
Meanwhile, in his little hamster cage.  
  
Hamtaro was working on his lovely little ax again. It was bloody from his last kill, but he decided to be professional about it and clean off his ax. He used water from the little cage water bottle to wash it off and set to work sharpening it again; it was getting dull. He went to the clubhouse to see that the others had found him. Bijou was crying a river, Howdy was telling his jokes to try and make everyone feel better, but the fact that he was failing miserably just lowered his morale.  
  
"Oh Hamtaro it is awful!" Bijou said when she saw him.  
  
"What happened, why is everybody crying?" he asked innocently.  
  
"Boss has committed suicide! He's gone! Oh Hamtaro why does this keep happening?!" she cried into him.  
  
Hamtaro broke into a fake crying fit, it looked so real everyone believed it. When he finally went home Boss had been buried and the clubhouse was a place of mourning. Hamtaro had made a decision, Howdy was going to die next. If Hamtaro had died, he certainly wouldn't have wanted Howdy to tell jokes to try and make everyone forget. He would have been pissed off. So he came up with other reasons to kill Howdy. He wasn't a good comedian, he was annoying, and he always fought with Dexter. It was enough to make one snap.  
  
That reminded him about Dexter, It would only be fitting for Dexter to die with Howdy. Pure logic dictates. It makes perfect sense that this would happen; if one dies the other goes with them.  
  
He smiled on the inside and decided to kill them both. This would be tricky but very fun. Howdy and Dexter were at it again, and Hamtaro knew that this would be the best alibi ever. He formulated a plan in that fuzzy little head of his and comforted everyone until only Howdy and Dexter were left alone with Hamtaro.  
  
"Hey you guys, how come you always fight?" Hamtaro asked, knowing that it would start a fight, perfect for doing just what he needed to happen.  
  
"Howdy starts it, I feel it's my duty to--" but Dexter was cut off by Howdy.  
  
"Why you liar! You start everything!" he shouted. While they were busy fighting, Hamtaro go out his ax.  
  
He got them both at once. They didn't stand a chance. Hamtaro cleaned his ax off, places a knife in each of their hands and ran outside frantically with the ax tucked away safely. He caught up to everyone else just before they split up.  
  
"You guys Howdy and Dexter are fighting with knives!" He shouted.  
  
The Hamsters gasped and ran back to the clubhouse to find the corpses. Penelope and Pashmina almost threw up, Bijou screamed, and Sandy cried her eyes out. Stan was stunned. Oxnard wet himself and Hamtaro put on the best act ever.  
  
He fell to the floor as if in anguish. He practically screamed out "Noooooo!" and summoned tears from deep down. He cried and screamed and threw tantrums and showed that he couldn't possibly be the one who knew anything about this.  
  
Hamtaro finally managed to calm down. He walked home with Oxnard. Little did he know that he might be next.  
  
Meanwhile.  
  
Laura got home and called Conna and told her exactly what was in the note in her locker.  
  
`  
  
Sorry it was so short, and I apologize for not updating in so long but I have a lot of stuff to do and I almost forgot about this story. I cannot always keep up with my stories. Well, you know the drill. Review, review my people and I shall once again provide you with more reading material! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Well, gotta go, love ya!  
  
PS-If you don't review I'll send Hamtaro to kill you all. J/k. or am I? 


	4. An Act of Mercy

Hamtaro the Ax Murderer  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Somebody's Going To Die...Again  
  
Hello everyone! I missed you all! I can't believe it's taken this long. I forgot about this story. Yesterday my friend asked if I updated this fic and I went ballistic trying to write. To all of my loyal reviewers I am very sorry! I am sorry for the long delay in updates. I haven't updated in like forever on any of my stories. Please forgive me. Anywho, enough senseless chattering, on with the story.  
  
*  
  
Hamtaro sat in his cage staring out the window it was a fabulous day. Laura was gone because of school, so he could easily escape to the clubhouse. He thought of all of his victims. There was Boss, Dexter, Howdy, Maxwell, and soon, someone else's name would be added to the list.  
  
"I think I'll pay the Ham-Hams a visit," he said, smirking evilly. He pulled out his ax and took it with him to the clubhouse. Upon his arrival, Bijou, Penelope, Panda, Pashmina, Sandy, Stan, Jingle, Oxnard, and Elder Ham and Aunt May (I think) were gathered around the graves of the victims of what they all assumed to be chronically depressed suicidal hamsters.  
  
"Hamtaro we are glad you are here, you should say something to honor these fallen ones. After all, you were the last one to see them all," Bijou said.  
  
Hamtaro nodded and walked to the gravesides. He delivered the most beautiful eulogies for the four fallen foes. It was the most lying he'd ever done in one day.  
  
*  
  
"Laura!" Travis called to her. She turned around upon hearing her name she was in the middle of crossing the street and the ditz decided to stop. Travis ran up to her and they began walking again, narrowly missing a car. "Did you get my apology?" he asked.  
  
"Apology? I don't remember you apologizing to me," Laura replied truthfully.  
  
"You didn't get my note?" he asked looking rather put out.  
  
"Oh you mean the one where you make all of the excuses and try to hint that your sorry, and tell me that you like me?" she asked.  
  
"But-"He was cut off by Laura.  
  
"Look, you're forgiven okay? Next time apologize to me in person," she said. He smiled and the two of them walked to school holding hands.  
  
*  
  
Hamtaro had a plan. He would suggest going on a nature hike. Then they would all mysteriously split up and someone would die. It was perfect, but who to kill...then the answer came to him, as threw a dream. Penelope. She would be the next to die. And so it went, the foolish hamsters were easy enough to convince. They were all off in their own separate ways, enjoying nature. It was a nightmare. Penelope wouldn't leave Pashmina's side.  
  
He finally managed to lure her away with a large supply of nuts. She was hungrily munching away on the nuts when Hamtaro struck. Poor thing never had a chance. Hamtaro cleaned off his ax and hid it beneath the nuts. Then, he made the paw prints of a cat leading to and from the crime scene. It was only a matter of time before Pashmina discovered her little friend. The hideously twisted and bleeding corpse made her wretch. She threw up at the sight of it. She cried until she was so weak and sad that Hamtaro killed her in an act of mercy.  
  
When the others found out, they buried the bodies under the shade of a great oak tree. They held a funeral on the spot and everyone ran home. It was obvious that they were all afraid. Except, of course, for Hamtaro. He walked home enjoying the scenery.  
  
*  
  
Laura and Conna were sitting together at lunch as usual. They were comparing notes on the constellations when Travis the pimp appeared once again. He sat down at their table and ate lunch with them. They continued comparing notes and quizzing each other for the upcoming test, with Conna being the most prepared. It was obvious, however, that Travis wasn't going to pass with flying colors as usual. He would need extra help, and Conna volunteered Laura to do it tomorrow. Travis accepted before Laura could say anything and left.  
  
"Conna! Why did you do that? My parents are going to go ballistic. You know they wouldn't let me have a boy over, at least not my dad anyway," Laura whined.  
  
"Come on Laura, he obviously like you. At least help him study, it's not like your parents won't understand that," Conna replied.  
  
"I guess so," Laura said. She put her head down and sighed as she walked to her locker and got out her other notebook. Conna and Laura went back to class together and doodled the rest of class away.  
  
*  
  
Laura got home to find Hamtaro snoozing peacefully in his cage. The cute little fuzz ball looked so happy and innocent. He was just soooo cute! She wrote in her journal and went to bed early hoping that tomorrow wouldn't come too soon.  
  
*  
  
So what did you think? I hope it made up for the wait. Probably not, but I don't care. That's all you get. I set everything up for the next chapter. For those of ye who review, I might just grant your request on who dies next! Thanx for reading!  
  
Sapphire 


End file.
